Thoughts from a brave girl 01/25/2019
I have felt like
I am on top of the world
like I was in a flower painted dress
the sun on my face as I twirled
I have felt like all was alright
I have felt the brightness in the dark--
I have felt like
I am drowning
Gasping for breaths in the depths of the sea
I didn’t have time to be frowning
I have felt my lungs fill to the brim
I have felt panic while trying to swim--
I have felt like
I needed to disappear
Like hiding was practically flying
then it was only myself to fear
I have felt the stomach aches and acidic taste
I have felt wasted tears -
I have felt like
I didn’t care
Like my feet were being moved for me
Not an emotion to spare
I have felt my face go numb
While trying to actually feel something--
I have felt like
My body is a vessel of passion
Dancing in my own world
Myself, a product of my actions
I have felt reward
Self love that came from working hard--
I have felt like
I am going insane
Like stillness was not an option
My mind didn’t wander but instead ran away
I have felt blood as my skin peeled back
I have felt the pains of what I lack--
I have felt like
I am just out of reach
Like the impossibility was a wall
No hope of being breached
I have felt hopeless
I have felt no one notice--
I have felt like
Nostalgia is my saving grace
Like progress driven by time
Allowed pride to take place
I have felt relief
I have felt strength--
I have not felt strong through it all
But I had strength every time I got up from a fall
Through every time I didn’t want to get out of bed
Through every single damn tear that I shed
Through every time things fell out of place
Until I could finally plaster that smile on my face -
These are the thoughts of a brave girl
Dance In The Rain 11/22/2018
For some reason -
I find myself searching
for a reason to cry
silly I know
but I think I know why
You see I want to see the concern in your eyes
as you hold me and tell me it will all be alright
I want you to lie--
tell me it’s fine
tell me you don’t mind giving me all of your time
wipe my tears
‘cause one of your fears
is looking into those glossy eyes of mine.
I say I want to be in pain
so I learn to dance in the rain
but maybe I just want you to dance with me
High on you
.5 seconds of your attention
Can get rid of any worry or fear
.5 seconds of your attention
And then I’m smiling ear to ear
You see the problem with being so high
Is that there’s nothing you can fear
Accept for falling from the clouds
Faster than that first falling tear
The higher you climb the harder it is to breathe
The higher you climb the harder it is to be free
When you’ve reached the top there is only room to go down
And a fall from that high means dropping
That smile to a frown
You drop from the clouds and into the ocean
Next thing you know you think you are going to drown
And this was all because you weren’t there to save me
It’s a cycle that goes round and round -
I hate that I depend on you,
You lifting me up -
‘Cause I know you can’t hold me there forever
You just aren’t strong enough